17 November 2011

Sadness

I try to keep this blog real, and in that vein, I feel I should share with you....

This week, we lost our Baby Girl.  I was 27+ weeks.
Saturday, she was moving like a little acrobat - normal for her.  Sunday, we spent the day busy doing projects around the house, so it wasn't until I was relaxing that evening that I realized I hadn't felt her move all day.  We did the usual things they tell you to do: pushed around on my belly, ate some chocolate, but we couldn't get her to move.  Monday, my midwife couldn't find a heartbeat, and an ultrasound confirmed our worst fear:  she was gone.

We had enjoyed such a normal, healthy pregnancy - no different than my previous two.  There was nothing to indicate a problem.  Even the last ultrasound showed a normal brain, spine, heart, placenta - everything looks perfect.  We are devastated and dumbfounded.  We may never know what happened.  
Right now, we are holding our other two precious girls even tighter, and doing our best to put our hearts in God's hands, trying to understand that our angel's mission was not of this world.

Right now, all I can think about is being with my family, and I ask you to please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

always,
alison
Posted by ag at

92 comments:

  1. Susie RileyNovember 17, 2011 at 5:44 AM

    Oh, Alison... I am so, so very sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and keeping you in my thoughts today. Be gentle with your heart while it heals.

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  2. Stephanie HartNovember 17, 2011 at 5:45 AM

    oh wow. i'm so sorry for your loss. definitely praying for you and your family.

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  3. Ashley @ A {Blonde's} DIY LifeNovember 17, 2011 at 5:49 AM

    Oh no! I am soo sorry for your loss! Your in my thoughts and prayers today!

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  4. AnonymousNovember 17, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    So so sorry about your loss. Will keep you in my prayers. Life is so hard sometimes, but I know you'll be able to get through this terrible loss with the love of your family, friends and your faith in God.

    Nomita

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  5. SarahNovember 17, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. May God be with you and your family during this time and always.

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  6. MichelleNovember 17, 2011 at 6:00 AM

    I am so sorry for you loss Alison. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

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  7. Robin GreyNovember 17, 2011 at 6:03 AM

    I am so sorry. I've also lost a child before birth. There is no other sadness quite like it. Please know that you are not alone.

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  8. Jill GG (good life for less)November 17, 2011 at 6:03 AM

    sweet baby girl is in heaven... but you know that and it doesn't always make it easier. Thinking of you and shedding some tears for you. big hugs.

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  9. LeslieNovember 17, 2011 at 6:07 AM

    I'm so sorry, Alison. I can't imagine the devastation you must be feeling. I hope you can find some solace and comfort in prayer and in the love of your fanily. I will pray for your healing here in Texas.

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  10. CricketNovember 17, 2011 at 6:09 AM

    Nothing can come close to the exquisite pain you are in now, I know. I am praying for you and your family, that you will be granted grace and peace. So very sorry...

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  11. My Interior LifeNovember 17, 2011 at 6:18 AM

    Alison, words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. I'm crying as I write this. Please go be with your family, and you and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  12. Carla AstonNovember 17, 2011 at 6:20 AM

    Oh no, I'm so very sorry. It is really hard to lose a baby. It's so good you have your family surrounding you at this time. Sending lots of love, Carla

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  13. JMWNovember 17, 2011 at 6:21 AM

    Alison, I am so very sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you and your family.

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  14. Mrs. LimestoneNovember 17, 2011 at 6:26 AM

    My heart is hurting for you. I am so very sorry.

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  15. Carissa @ the Fabulous Design FileNovember 17, 2011 at 6:50 AM

    Oh no, Alison. I can't even imagine what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  16. My Notting HillNovember 17, 2011 at 6:51 AM

    My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for yor loss. Sending you an embrace Alison. Michele

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  17. laura @ so alaurableNovember 17, 2011 at 6:54 AM

    I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

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  18. Kacey @ Shes.No.MarthaNovember 17, 2011 at 7:04 AM

    I don't feel like there is anything I can say to help, but that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so very sorry.

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  19. CiaraNovember 17, 2011 at 7:04 AM

    I am so very sorry. Your blog brings such brightness to so many-- I hope that you feel the collective love that is being sent to you and your family during your time of grief.

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  20. DarbyNovember 17, 2011 at 7:22 AM

    Alison, My heart is so heavy for you this morning. Please know that I am lifting you and your family up!! Many prayers!!

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  21. Kate @ DaffodilsNovember 17, 2011 at 7:25 AM

    Im so sorry for your loss. Praying for peace and healing for your family and that sweet baby girl.

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  22. Cassie @ Primitive & ProperNovember 17, 2011 at 7:29 AM

    oh alison, my heart just broke for you. i am so so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  23. KerryNovember 17, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    Alison, I am so sorry! My heart is breaking for you! Your family is in my thoughts! xx

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  24. AngelaNovember 17, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    My heart and prayers go to your family. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've suffered a miscarriage before so I understand at least a little bit the ache your heart must be feeling. I wish I had some magic words to share that would alleviate some of your pain, but they don't exist. My wish instead is that you find comfort and healing through your loved ones and in knowing that there are even strangers out there thinking of you :)

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  25. ErinNovember 17, 2011 at 8:07 AM

    my heart goes out to you all. i know you are hurting.

    Erin

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  26. BaileyNovember 17, 2011 at 8:12 AM

    Alison, I am so sad to hear this. You were so kind to me when we were going through our tough time and know if there is anything I can do for you, let me know. In the mean time we will keep you in our prayers and I will squeeze Gracie extra close tonight. Much much much love to you all.

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  27. chimere7November 17, 2011 at 8:16 AM

    This is the first day I have looked at your blog. I happen to be a NICU nurse & am so sorry to hear your news. No words can really comfort you, but I'll be praying too.

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  28. corineNovember 17, 2011 at 8:20 AM

    Dear Alison, my heart goes out to you and your family. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    xoxo

    corine

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  29. New York MuhtariNovember 17, 2011 at 8:32 AM

    My heart goes out to you. I am so so sorry for your loss.

    I will pray for your and your baby.

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  30. Kim@ChattafabulousNovember 17, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    Alison, so saddened to hear of this tragedy. I pray that you will find comfort in your family and feel God's presence during this sad time.

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  31. Sarah (Matters of Style)November 17, 2011 at 9:31 AM

    Oh Alison, my heart is breaking for you. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  32. The Southern LadyNovember 17, 2011 at 10:01 AM

    Alison, my prayers are with you and your sweet family. May God guide you through this time.

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  33. The Shade Shop, Inc.November 17, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    So heartbreaking....so little we can do but offer our hearts full of caring and love during this sad time for you!

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  34. JulieNovember 17, 2011 at 11:22 AM

    I am so sorry for your heartbreak.

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  35. withywindleNovember 17, 2011 at 11:33 AM

    Alison I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I will be praying for you and your family.

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  36. Amelia @ House PrettyNovember 17, 2011 at 11:44 AM

    I can't imagine what you and your family are going through, but my heart is hurting for you and you're in my thoughts.

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  37. momof3November 17, 2011 at 11:47 AM

    So sorry for your loss. My twin sister had multiple miscarriages after 2 healthy births and it was discovered that she, and I, have a blood disorder called factor 5 leiden. It causes an abnormal amount of blood clotting which can in effect kill the fetus and is not routinely tested for. With this diagnosis she was able to take daily shots and have a 3rd healthy child as was I. If you choose to have another child, I urge you to have your ob/gyn do a blood test for this disorder as it is easily treated with daily blood thinners. It may save you future miscarriages. Good luck to you and you are in my prayers.

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  38. AnonymousNovember 17, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    {{hugs}} to you during this sad time. You're in my thoughts and prayers ...

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  39. ErikaNovember 17, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  40. Allison HaselNovember 17, 2011 at 2:20 PM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking of you and your family at this time!

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  41. Jenna @ HomesliceNovember 17, 2011 at 3:05 PM

    So sorry Alison.

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  42. Amy CNovember 17, 2011 at 3:05 PM

    Oh no, my heart dropped as I started to read the first few sentences of this post. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I'm so sorry. You are in my thoughts.

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  43. anitaNovember 17, 2011 at 3:45 PM

    Alison,
    I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss.
    Thoughts and prayers are being sent your way and a big hug as well.
    My sincere condolences to you and your family.
    Love, Anita

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  44. Chedva @Rooms and WordsNovember 17, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    So sorry about your loss, Alison. I'm thinking about you. Hugs.

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  45. AmyNovember 17, 2011 at 5:51 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  46. Full HouseNovember 17, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    Alison my heart feels so sad for you and what you are dealing with. It is not an easy thing to go through and I hope that through all of this you will be able to feel some peace. Praying for you.

    xx - Christina

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  47. IngridNovember 17, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    I am so very sorry for you horrible loss. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this. May God surround you with his Angels and bring you some peace during this horrible time. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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  48. Sandy, Sisters of SeasonNovember 17, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    God bless you and your family. Prayers of comfort and love are sent your way. Sandy

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  49. Naomi@DesignManifestNovember 18, 2011 at 7:02 AM

    Alison, I'm so so sorry to hear this. Such a difficult loss. Big hugs to you and know that you have support all over the world coming at ya.

    Take your time healing. xoxo

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  50. SooGeeNovember 18, 2011 at 9:03 AM

    So sorry to hear about your loss. i also have had 2 healthy pregnancies & had a miscarriage on my third. that IS the hardest thing, not knowing what happened. but really trusting in God and finding comfort in Him helped me + family support. although I don't know you, you'll be in my thought & prayer.

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  51. RaeNovember 18, 2011 at 11:55 AM

    Lots of love during this tough time. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  52. Kelly MaekerNovember 18, 2011 at 3:18 PM

    Alison and Ben, we are so deeply sorry to hear this heart-breaking news. You and your family are in our prayers.

    Kelly and Allen

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  53. Desert DreamingNovember 19, 2011 at 10:00 AM

    I haven't been on here the last several weeks for I lost my little brother (42) to a senseless murder, all I wanted around me was my family. I can honestly say I know what you are feeling. I lost two babies many years ago. My heart breaks for you, but with God's love, and time, it does get better, you will never forget, but I do promise, the hurt you are feeling right now, will hurt so much less in time. Hold tight to your family, and know, even us that have never met you, are praying for you. May God Bless you and guide you through this sad time.

    Joni

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  54. BeckiNovember 19, 2011 at 1:06 PM

    You don't know me, but I follow your blog rather religiously. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

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  55. Jen Jen QldNovember 19, 2011 at 2:52 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  56. AnonymousNovember 20, 2011 at 12:53 AM

    So sorry to hear about your loss. Be strong.

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  57. BlairNovember 20, 2011 at 8:52 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

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  58. Braxton and YanceyNovember 21, 2011 at 7:35 AM

    Oh my heart breaks for you and your family. Our thoughts are with you...God bless.

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  59. Diane James HomeNovember 21, 2011 at 11:12 AM

    How truly sad for you and your family, Alison and I echo all of the previous thoughts and prayers. You are so couragious to be shring this will all of us and an inspiration in your strength.

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  60. La Maison BohemeNovember 21, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    Oh sweet mama. I cannot come up with the words to express my deepest sympathy and healing wishes. I am so sorry for your incredible loss. I'm sending love, peace, grace and quiet healing to you and your precious family.

    Yours,
    Sarah Greenman

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  61. TupeloLoveNovember 22, 2011 at 10:56 AM

    Alison, I am so sorry. My friend directed me to your blog. I, too, lost my baby boy in June. I was 25 weeks and his heart just simply stopped beating. Everything about him was perfect, we have no idea why this happened, or how. He was my first baby, so this has been overwhelmingly painful and devastating to me and to my husband. I know your pain, your grief, and the monumental loss that this is to you and your family. It's extremely difficult, but please know I am here if you would like to talk. My husband and I were fortunate to have a strong organization in my city (Charlotte) that specifically works with those who have lost children, and I can't emphasize enough how much it helped us work our way through the suffocating grief. I don't know what sort of resources are available where you are, so please don't hestitate to reach out to me if you would like. My email is mollyblivingstone@gmail.com.
    -Molly

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  62. LindsBNovember 22, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    I am so so so sorry for your loss! I cant imagine the pain of losing a child and my heart just breaks to pieces for you. Please know that you and your family will be in my thoughts alot in the coming week and that HUGE hugs are being sent all the way to Brazil from Boston! xoxoxox

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  63. Bri@MeyouandawienerNovember 22, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    Just came back from blog vacation and I read this, not what I expected. :( I don't even know what to say, so sorry girl. So sorry.

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  64. JuliaNovember 22, 2011 at 5:11 PM

    So sorry to hear this news. I will pray for healing and peace for you and your family.

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  65. Linda@ Lime in the CoconutNovember 23, 2011 at 5:19 AM

    Oh Alison. There just are no words. My heart breaks for your family...and I give you the warmest hug from afar. Hold onto your family now. Let others help and hold you.

    In peace...in love...

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  66. Mary CatherineNovember 23, 2011 at 11:13 AM

    Oh, Alison! I am soo sorry for your heartbraking loss. You never know what God has in store for you. Put your faith in Him and the love from your family will help you get through your sadness. Praying for you!

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  67. Miss RubioNovember 23, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    I stumbled upon your blog just now and my heart dropped as I read this. You and your family are definitely in my thoughts.

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  68. FioNovember 25, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    So sorry about your baby girl. I enjoy your blog and stop by often. I'm so sad for you.

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  69. AnonymousNovember 26, 2011 at 4:01 PM

    Have dropped in to read your blog for years, but have never left a comment until today. Very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.

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  70. Jennie JonesNovember 26, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    My heart breaks for you, Alison. I absolutely cannot imagine. I pray that you've found peace and comfort in knowing that so many people out there are praying for you- hang in there sweet girl!!

    xoxo,
    Jennie

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  71. Ivy CladNovember 27, 2011 at 10:25 AM

    Alison,

    I have just found your blog, googling for some interior design images. I am a new follower and want you to know I am so sorry for your terrible loss. A few words here can't possibly touch the pain you must feel. Take good care of yourself and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    -Keri

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  72. Bold and BeautifulNovember 28, 2011 at 8:51 AM

    Alison,

    I am so very sorry to read about your loss and I know this is a hard time for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Shannon

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  73. Paloma {La Dolce Vita}November 29, 2011 at 9:05 AM

    Alison, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family. Big hugs!

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  74. SbuckleyNovember 29, 2011 at 1:52 PM

    I am very sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

    Susan

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  75. LaurenFaytheNovember 30, 2011 at 6:58 AM

    I have no words to say except I am so sorry for your loss.

    God Bless-
    Sue

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  76. JayeNovember 30, 2011 at 10:31 AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know that words cannot heal your pain, but just know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

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  77. Sandra DKNovember 30, 2011 at 12:22 PM

    Dear Alison, I have no words to say how sorry I am for your loss! i am sure she was intended for greater things and so the sky has a new and bright star! She will keep an eye on you and the girls from now on...! much love!

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  78. AnonymousNovember 30, 2011 at 1:39 PM

    I am so sorry to read this. My baby daughter lived for two weeks. We thought that the pregnancy was normal. I am sorry for your loss.

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  79. A Perfect GrayDecember 1, 2011 at 4:48 AM

    alison, so, so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. please know we are thinking of you with all our love...donna

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  80. bluehydrangeaDecember 1, 2011 at 4:57 AM

    Alison,
    I have been so behind in my blog reading and just found out about the loss of your baby girl. I am so truly sad and heartbroken for you. I know at 27 weeks you felt like you were home free so it must seem even more unfair. Thankfully you have your precious family to help you through this difficult journey. Sending you a big hug and prayers. XO Sissy

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  81. AnnaDecember 1, 2011 at 5:28 AM

    Alison, My heart is heavy for you. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through but be confident that God has a plan for your family. Time will reveal what other amazing things He has in store. Prayers for healing, peace, and strength at this difficult time.

    Anna

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  82. NessaDecember 1, 2011 at 1:06 PM

    Praying for you and your family.

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  83. AshburnMomDecember 1, 2011 at 8:50 PM

    I am so, so sorry. I don't know what anyone could say at a time like this that could help. I'll be thinking of you and your family. Take care.

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  84. {edie}December 6, 2011 at 7:17 AM

    So very sorry for you friend. THoughts, hugs and many prayers.
    xo,
    edie

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  85. MichelleDecember 9, 2011 at 8:56 AM

    I am sorry, I wish there was something I could say that would make your heart hurt less. It will get better, and I will pray for you to heal, and for your family.

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  86. {Hi Sugarplum!}December 10, 2011 at 9:16 AM

    ohmygosh -- I am so sorry to read this, my heart goes out to you and your family.

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  87. christine {bijouandboheme}December 21, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    Oh sweet Alison- I'm just seeing this now and am so deeply sorry for your loss. I've lost pregnancies and it's just so absolutely devastating...and to be so far along...my heart is breaking for you. Sending love and so many hugs your way. xoxoxo

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  88. AnonymousDecember 26, 2011 at 10:30 PM

    Only just read about your sad loss, Alison and am deeply touched. I am sorry that you had to go through it at 27 weeks! However, I read that everyone's thoughts & prayers are keeping you and your family up and I am glad...
    I believe we all have a specific mission in life and as you say, your little angel completed hers in only 27 weeks and is surely somewhere nice & warm.
    Lots of good wishes going your way from Spain!
    Soledad

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  89. nkpDecember 29, 2011 at 12:26 PM

    Alison, may you find solace in the warm embrace of your beautiful family. My most sincere condolences for the loss of your sweet, sweet girl. I know there are no words that can quell your sorry, but I hope your family can find peace.

    Much love-nelya

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  90. SHERRY HARTJanuary 7, 2012 at 4:22 AM

    Nothing I can say to make it better but that I am truly sorry for your loss.

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  91. Pink WallpaperJanuary 9, 2012 at 8:00 PM

    alison, i am soooooo sorry about your precious baby girl. my heart breaks for you and your family. i feel terrible that i haven't seen this until now. sending you a huge hug. Shannon

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  92. CharleneJanuary 23, 2012 at 1:23 AM

    I just came across your blog today for the first time. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved daughter. How heartbreaking. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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